Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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