He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize