I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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