I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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