she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He has the fingertips of a God
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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