We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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