Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
