i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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