i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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