Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
