DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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