It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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