You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He kissed a someone with a penis
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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