Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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