Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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