I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
