so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
