Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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