Will you blow on my dice?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
