I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize