Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
