Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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