I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
