The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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