Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
