why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer is more important than you right now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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