i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
