I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
