Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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