Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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