His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize