You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
