apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
