i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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