You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
