I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
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Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
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This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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