worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
