dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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