She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
