Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
