there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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