sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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