I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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