I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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