This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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