mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
