"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
