Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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