How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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