You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
