We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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