a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
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