U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
