I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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