he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
