i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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