1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
