why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
