I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
